its so crazy looking back at the past and seeing how much ive changed. like even just from freshman year of college. that wasnt even 4 years ago and i feel like i am a completely different person. back then all i cared about was what people though of me. i wanted to meet new people and have everybody know me and think i was cool and fun. i wanted to party alllll the time. day or night. monday or friday, it really didnt matter. i didnt care about school, didnt think about my future, didnt really care about anything that is actually important. these days, thank god, i really think i am on the right track. im not saying that i dont have some of those same tendencies but really, my priorities are straight. my most important factor is me. what can i do to make myself better. call it selfish or whatever but when you put yourself first, you are really able to work on yourself and become a much better person. im worried about what i can do to better myself right now. school, working, staying healthy. it doesnt just mean im putting everybody out, it just means that if i have the option of studying and going out and getting drunk, i am going to chose studying because in the long run thats what is going to make me better. i have been alive 22 years and i can honestly say i have lived. i have seen good times and bad, hard times and easy, times i thought i would never get over and times i thought life couldnt get any better. there is a lot i havnt experienced but i can honestly say i am very happy with the way my life has turned out thus far. right now, i want to make myself happy. i want to solidify the idea of a successful and bright future. i want to put in those long nights and early mornings so that when i make it, i can say that i worked for it. that right now is me being selfish. thats me growing up and thats me taking my life into my own hands and doing what i need to do to be the best i can be. daily prayer, hard work, and dedication is what it is going to take to make me everything i am destined to be.
Im not one to toot my own horn, but, I would like to think I’m a good catch. Im seemingly attractive, in school, loving, giving, down for whatever. Yea sometimes I’m needy or selfish but, damn, who isn’t?! So why does it seem like I am just not appreciated? I do a LOT for you, and I mean a LOT. Why can I not receive these things back? Why does it seem like I’m breaking MY neck just to get an ‘I love you’ ?! After so long and putting up with SO MUCH BULLSHIT you would think expressing yourself to me would be something you would WANT to do! But no. I have to beg you for you to even acknowledge the idea of you loving me. Or get you liquored up to get some type of emotion. It’s whatever tho. They always end up wanting you, and doing the right things, the things you’ve BEEN asking for once your gone, right? Right.